Anything You can Do
by vampiregrrrl110
Summary: My entry for Lolly's 'Testosterone Poisoning' comp. Jesse drinks, Paul flashes, And Suze stammers. R&R!


**My entry for Lolly's comp. Check it out on her forum!**

Why? Why the hell did they have to be so _godamned _stubborn?

And now, they were experiencing the consequences. Of their freaking _stupidity. _Honestly, I do my best to keep them away from each other, and what do they do? Oh yeah, they get themselves a one-way ticket to _jail._

With me waiting outside for Father Dom, to come bail them out.

I guess I should start at the beginning.

"So, you would like to go to this . . . bonfire?" Jesse asked, his voice sounding slightly confused.

"Well, yeah. I mean, I have to, as well, but I think it'll be fun. Wanna come?" I asked, waiting for the answer. I wanted him with me, true, but Jesse mixing with a bunch of high school kids? Most of whom were at the beach to get drunk and hook up? Yeah, not such a good idea.

I'd much rather hang with him for, ahem, _movie _nigh_t, _where we'd usually watch movies _all _night long.

But, as the Vice of the senior class, since Paul had emotionally _scarred _the nun for _life, _it was a requirement.

So, here I was, Saturday afternoon, asking my hundred-and-fifty-something year old boyfriend if he'd like to go to a high school bonfire. Where the most intelligent conversation would be about what the best condoms were.

Oh _joy._

"Of course, I'll go with you _querida. _When shall I pick you up?" he asked, like the perfect boyfriend he was.

I beamed. "Five is good. I'll see you later then." I smiled into the phone.

"I love you, _querida." _He said, as our usual conversation ender.

"Love you, too." I replied, putting the phone into the cradle, staring at the phone for a few minutes. Then scrambling to get something to wear. What the hell did you wear to a bonfire anyway?

I finally decided to wear my bikini, with a wrap skirt and tank over it. I wouldn't be going into the water, but, hey, the halter bikini top might, _encourage _Jesse a bit. So I was game.

After about an hour and a half, I was perfectly primped and ready, down to my waterproof mascara, and I was walking down the stairs, when the doorbell rang. I checked the clock. Exactly five.

I opened the door, grabbed my jacket, and walked over to the car. Lemme just say this again: _damn, _my boyfriend is _hot!_

He was wearing a white, linen, button-down shirt, with khakis. Looking like a Calvin Klein underwear model all the while.

"_Querida, _you look wonderful." He smiled, as I got in the car.

"Thanks. You don't look so bad, yourself." I grinned as I kissed him lightly on the lips.

He gripped my hand, and drove.

"So, tell me about this Susannah. Who's going to be there?" he asked.

"Um." I squeaked. "Nothing to tell really. Just a couple kids from school, Kelly, Debbie." Paul Slater. The one who tried to make you live in 1850. And who's still giving your girlfriend shifting lessons.

"Oh, alright." That seemed to relax him, and we had a comfortable silence for the rest of the drive.

At the beach, there was nowhere to park. Big surprise when practically the whole student body was here.

Well. The popular people and kling-ons at least. Oh, and look, there's that guy from the chess club! Being pummeled by the wrestling team. That's high school.

"A few people?" Jesse whispered in my ear and looked at me skeptically.

"Um. Yeah, the excess are just the, uhhh, beach people. Yeah, the beach people." I said, luckily, too fast for him. Because I'm just a _natural _with the 'thinking under pressure' thing. Right.

"Omigod, Suzie!" I heard a shrill screech from behind me.

"Hey, Debbie. Where's Brad?" I asked, not really interested. If I was lucky, I'd go find some private part of the beach to go play 'operation' with Jesse in.

"Oh, I dumped him." She said, happily. Okay, shock. Debbie, who had as many braincells as _amoeba _dumped Brad? Wow. The Apocalypse is near.

"Oh?" I asked.

"Yeah. I'm with him." She pointed to some random guy, from the wrestling team.

"Well, good to see you Deb, but, I gotta go. So, see ya!" I rambled off quickly, while she went off to suck face with the guy. Damn, Debbie has some _suction _power! Look at spit fly!

Jesse made the mistake of glancing in that direction and, well . . . his disgust was plastered on his face.

I tugged Jesse's tanned, muscular arm. "Come on, I've gotta go find Kelly so she doesn't tell Fr. Dom I ditched."

He nodded and followed.

We walked through, seeing just about all the Botox Barbies from school, and their equally plastic Kens for the night.

Finally, I spotted tri-colour, blond highlighted hair so perfect, that it could only be Kelly.

"Kelly!" I shouted over the noise of the crowd, speeding up with Jesse tagging along behind me.

The blond hair whipped around, revealing Kelly's perfectly made up face. I quickly looked at her. A bikini top and bottoms, with a miniskirt over it.

And, to accessorize, a beer in hand. Wow. Stunning Kel, really.

"Suze, hi." She hiccupped, slightly tipsy from however many beers she'd already downed, with someone of her own in tow.

This should be good. We got to a clear-ish area where we could talk without shouting. It was then I saw who she was towing behind her.

Then I saw the golden Blond curls, and the California tan, and it became evident that _she _definitely wasn't towing _him. _He _always _led.

The piercing, icy blue eyes struck me, looking slightly surprised.

"Hey, Suze." He grinned.

I half-smiled, but it came out more like a grimace.

"Hi, Paul. How are you?" I asked, politely. After the time-travelling thing, it was a lot better with Paul. No sexual harassment, bearable shifting lessons, et cetera, et cetera.

We probably could've even been friends. But you know, it was Jesse's blatant distrust of him now, and their dislike for each other that was . . . troublesome.

I mean, the only group of freaks in the state who see dead people should stick together, right?

Yeah, well, try telling _them _that. Every time they _saw _each other, it was like a competition! Who's the better gentleman, who can play pool, blah blah blah. God!

"I'm good, as always. You?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I noticed he was ignoring my boyfriend. Hmph! _Men._

"_Ahem." _Jesse cleared his throat loudly. His gorgeous face looked like there was a storm brewing that I would _not _want to get caught in.

"Oh, _Jesse." _Paul said his name like something dirty. "Didn't see you there. I swear, you just pop out of no where. Like a _ghost." _

Low blow Paul. His blue eyes twinkled at his own joke. I glowered. Jesse growled.

"Better a ghostly gentleman than a chauvinistic pig." Jesse replied, with such a smile on her face that you almost couldn't tell that he was dissing Paul.

The liquid blue turned to ice. I tugged Jesse's hand.

I noticed that we were walking slowly to. . . the bar. Hmm.

I saw Paul motion to some crony. "Tom. Why don't you bring our friend here, a drink."

Jesse blanched. "It's alright."

"No, I insist. Unless. . .you can't hold your liquor?" Paul said innocently.

"You know what, I _will _take a drink." Jesse said, confident now as Tom handed him the drink, a vodka mix I presumed.

Well, he chugged that thing down pretty quickly. And had another. And another. Along with Paul.

Until I noticed his normally deep and even voice was kindof. . . slurred.

"Sssussannah?" he said.

"Yeah?"

"Could you point me in the dirrrection of the bathroom?"

"Sure, it's-"

"Now, don't tell me you're tipsy _already." _Paul, who had had in a few himself, cut me off.

"Relax Paul, just because the rest of the world isn't drunkards like _you-"_

"Come on Suze, now a guy who can't hold his liquor, or his bladder for that matter," he sneered at Jesse, "has no balls, in my opinion. So what'll it be, de Silva?" He cut me off _again._

"Well, fortunately for us, we don't give a _damn _about your opinion. So, we'll be going now." I said, and attempted to tug Jesse to his feet.

"No." I looked at him, shocked. Since when did he care about Paul Slater's opinion?

I looked at his slackened features. Oh yeah, since he was _drunk. _Well, I knew who was driving tonight.

"No, Susannah, I will stay, and, have some balls. Give me another, Tom." He Said. God. MEN.

It was at least another hour until Paul slurred even once, and another when he couldn't stand up straight. Jesse was in _much _worse shape. He said his head was cloudy and spinning and he felt like he was walking on a mattress.

Yeah, great explanation for being drunk. At that time, Paul got up, steadied himself, and sort of took Jesse aside. They were talking quietly, but Jesse looked disbelieving, while Paul was trying to convince him of something.

This did _not _bode well. I walked up to them.

"Come on. Let's walk on the beach." I said in my most flirtatious voice.

"I think I'll take you up on that, _querida." _He looked down at me and, in front of Kelly and Paul, kissed me.

And this wasn't an ordinary we're-in-public-so-let's-show-slight-affection thing. Nu-uh, this was like an ooh-we're-in-the-car-and-it's-cold-let's-warm-each-other-up thing.

Which was weird because Jesse? Yeah, dude from the 1850's. Not a huge fan of PDA.

And the way he was kissing me? Like the tongue-ing and everything? Uh-huh, _not _something we usually did in public.

So me? Yeah, majorly confused.

After I came up, panting, for air, I realized. We were in front of Paul. Jesse was flaunting me like a show dog, in front of the guy who couldn't have me. But, naturally, as long as he was kissing me like _that, _it really didn't matter.

"God, get a _room, _will you?" Kelly said, annoyed.

"Actually, I think _we _should." Paul whispered loudly to Kelly. Who blushed.

"Sure. Where?" she asked.

"How about the beach?" Paul said, raising an eyebrow slightly at Jesse.

That dog. That _total dog. _He was making this a competition again.

"Uhhhh. Um. I guess." With that, he started kissing her neck. Really, um, deeply.

"Susannah, don't you want to take that walk now?" Jesse said, really sexily.

"Sure." I told him, eager to get him away from the evil mastermind Shifter.

He bent down, and scooped me up, bridal-style. Okay, not to self: A drunk Jesse is a lusty Jesse. In public.

I managed to convey that I wanted to get down. He let me down.

"Jesse," I half-whispered, "I don't think we should do this now, especially if it's a competition with _Paul. _And, besides, you're drunk, and I don't want you to do anything you'll regret later on."

He nodded slowly. I sighed in relief. At least he was still Jesse-the-gentleman.

Seeing as I'd made my required appearance, I figured it was time to hit the road, and roll Jesse into the car.

This wasn't the best idea, but. . . . I groaned.

"Paul?"

He looked at me.

"Could I trust you to take care of Jesse for a few minutes while I go get the car? Please?" I asked. Pleaded, really.

"Of course, Suze. You can trust me." He said, so seriously, I didn't believe him. Nothing good could come out of this, but, it was only a few minutes, right?

What's the worst that could happen?

So, I went to bring around the car, taking the long walk and enjoying the chilly Carmel wind.

After about ten minutes, I managed to maneuver the car as close to the beach as I could get it, and got out, and went to the place where I'd left the guys.

That was strange, they weren't there. Knowing Paul, they probably went to go get another drink.

That's when I saw the Security Guards, Rent-a-cops and one official police-woman. Weird.

That's when I spotted the crowd, and Jesse and Paul, in handcuffs, in the middle.

Oh shit.

The female officer saw them looking at me, and, by now, my eyes were as wide as flying saucers, and asked, "Are they yours, Miss?"

They both nodded emphatically, trying to get me to say yes.

"Um, yeah, they are. What's wrong?"

She looked menacing. "We consider mooning, or flashing a _very _serious offence here. This is a _nice _place. I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to take them into custody. Kids these days." She shook her head.

"Um, no, you can't. They won't do it again, right guys? They were just really drunk!" I panicked.

"Regardless, I have to take them into custody. You're welcome to follow in your vehicle."

With that, all of them marched off to the police car.

And I ran to Jesse's car, following them until they reached the station.

Which is where I am now. At the station, Paul and Jesse behind bars for the night, waiting for Father Dom to come bail them out.

All the while freezing my _ass _off.

All because of alcohol and ego-inflation.

Men. All I have to say is: You can't live with 'em, you can't live without 'em.

* * *

**So. Feedback? Anyone? HallOoOoOo??**


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